Rambling, Guilty Pleasure Edition: Dance Moms

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, so sometimes the fact that I watch a show like Dance Moms baffles me. It is one of those reality TV shows that is so over the top obvious that 90% of the drama is created by the producers of the show.

For the record, the only reality shows I watch, period, are Dance Moms, Chrisley Knows Best, Impractical Jokers, and Billy on the Street. And I don’t really consider the last two to be a “reality show” per se, because they’re more variety/game shows that happens to have the same guys in it every week. (By the way, if you have never seen either, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? They will have you laughing in fits for about a week, and absolutely binge-able.)

So back to my point: Why on this green Earth do I watch Dance Moms? Simple as this: for the dancing. Now anyone who is actually reading this is probably saying “bullshit, you secretly love the mom drama.” No, I really don’t. It drives me absolutely insane. As a matter of fact, since I always watch it on my DVR instead of live, I usually fast forward through any scene that doesn’t have the dancers involved.

The moms are absolutely horrible, and while yes, I understand it’s a reality show and they are mostly acting instead of real fighting, I still can’t believe that they think they are entertaining. All of the women, including Abby Lee Miller, believe that they are so cool for being “reality stars.” They are ridiculously overdressed and have their hair and makeup done to go to their children’s dance practices and competitions, and they incessantly talk about all the happenings and popularity on Twitter and Instagram. And all they do is complain about Abby. If she treats your child so horribly, and I can bet anything she doesn’t actually treat them that badly except for the camera, then why do you pay her an insane amount of money to teach your child? You are free to leave. Others have done it in the past. Also, all of these moms claim to be so dedicated to the team, etc., and then week after week claim the stupid things they do is “doing what’s best for their child.” Yeah, no shit that’s what you’re doing. No one is blaming you for that. But then just admit that dancing really isn’t a team sport.

Basically, these girls have more talent than I can ever dream to have, at anything. It amazes me that they learn up to 4 new routines week after week and always seem to pull it off. If I ever find out that isn’t true and they really learn all these routines in like a year’s span, I probably wouldn’t watch the show anymore. That’s pulling back the curtain too much for me. And they’re all very pretty girls and very cute close friends. I’m happy the mom “drama” hasn’t affected the kids’ relationships any.

Spotlight: Crappiest Reality TV moment of this past week’s episode:

Melissa, Maddie and Mackenzie’s mom, is THE WORST. First of all, she’s a major kiss ass. Obviously it has paid off for her because her daughters are the clear favorites. But sometimes she is over the top ridiculous in how bent over backwards she gets for Abby. Also, she’s just a bad mom. (Remember I am talking about her portrayal in the show. She probably is an average, okay mom in real life who obviously takes care of her children by spending millions of dollars on their dancing.) This past week’s episode was a perfect example. Her daughters competed against each other for solos, and younger sister Mackenzie, who always has to live in Maddie’s giant Sia-shaped shadow, actually beat Maddie. Instead of being ecstatic that her younger daughter won first place with an amazing, difficult routine, she actually straight up admitted she thought it was messed up that Maddie didn’t win, she was better. Who says that about their child? And then she tried to start something between her daughters by saying “Mackenzie, Maddie isn’t happy for you.” Good thing the young girls don’t want to keep up any appearances for a reality show, because Maddie immediately said “shut up mom, I AM happy for her, I don’t care I lost to her.” I love when 12 year olds put their annoying mothers in their place.

So I will continue to watch this not-so-great show and call it my top guilty pleasure. I’m sure many of you reading now value my TV reviews and opinions much less, but I’m sorry. Everyone has that one show that they know is terrible but can’t stop watching, and Dance Moms is mine.